Think Before Speaking: Strange Slang

“Any language in which the unassuming word fly signifies an annoying insect, a means of travel, and a critical part of a gentleman’s apparel is clearly asking to be mangled.”  Bill Bryson

Being an English major, I realize what a strange language English really is.  We have more exceptions than we have rules, it seems, and some of the idioms we use make no sense at all.  Think about it.  Why is it appropriate for us to tell someone to “shoot” a question as if it were a gun (or a bullet, for that matter), while news is “laid” on us as if it is a blanket.  It’s a metaphoric, theoretical language, and sometimes the theory is a bit off.

I think, though, that the language used on college campuses is the most interesting and strange.  Granted, my being a college student might weight my opinion a bit, but there it is. There are several that I’ve been noticing lately, some that I like, others that I do not appreciate, but all are rather strange.

I'll begin with the ones I don’t like.  First on my list is “dank.”  My roommate first told me about this one, and it brought images of something out of Poe’s “The Cask of Amontillado”—that dark, damp wine cellar where the narrator is about to imprison his enemy forever.  I’ve heard it used, however, as a positive adjective.  What?  Outside of beverages, there are few wet and cold things that I enjoy.  Add dark to the mix and I wash my hands of the matter.  Then again, I’m told we can blame marijuana for this one.  Not really a surprise, now that I think of it.

The next that I’ve heard more and more often is “totes.”  Now, to me, the word ‘totes’ is the plural of a word describing a flat bag with two handles, meant to hang under one’s arm and to hold books.  This makes sense to me.  What doesn’t make sense to me is the constant need to shorten words that actually aren’t that long to begin with.  It was already happening in email and text messaging, where ppl talk 2 u like this, as if avoiding as many keystrokes as possible.  Must this distressing trend carry to verbal English?  Please, America, tell me we are not that lazy.

Then there’s a classic, one that I intend to dust off and present again for some rumination.  This word is placed into almost every other sentence, by, like, the entire population of native English speakers.  The original meaning, I believe, was, like, something close to “something like,” which in itself implies a certain amount of, like, uncertainty in what we are saying.  I’m sure by now you know what I’m talking about.  When written, the word “like” stands out when it’s out of place, but in spoken language we hardly notice it.  Pay attention the next time you’re speaking to someone in casual settings, and see how many times you hear it.  It is frightening how much this has made its way into our language—like a fungus that coats the inside of a refrigerator within a day and a half.  (And that was actually the correct use of the word.)

There are a few strange new words which I appreciate, though.  Normally, when my friends tell me something and I don’t really have anything to say in reply, I will say, “Cool.”  It’s a filler word that I don’t really like, but it springs to my mouth very easily and seems to close a conversation nicely.  However, there are better words that serve this purpose.  A friend of mine uses “word” instead.  Though I can’t quite work out a way to make this make sense, I like it much better than my own habit.  Words are cool, after all, so it fits.

Finally, there is one which I heard today that I know will never catch on outside of the college community, but here it is a very practical term.  I have a roommate, and my roommate has a boyfriend.  Now, she has never had to ask me to leave so they can—ahem—have some privacy, but I would have understood it if she had.  I now have a word for this process: sexile.  Corny it might be, but I appreciate it very much.  After all, it really does explain itself, doesn’t it?  And that’s all you can really ask for from a language.

The nature of language is to grow and change.  You can’t stop it; you can’t go back.  All that you can do is complain about the words you don’t like, and use the ones that you do.  Thus, tonight’s post.  If it encourages people to think about what they’re saying, all the better.  I invite any comments about other strange words or usages people hear.  I will find more in the future, I’m sure.