Losing the Argument with Myself

I’ve been putting off writing this blog post, which is ironic, because this week’s topic is self-discipline.  I made the decision several hours ago that I would work on a blog post today.  But first I had to mow the lawn (which didn’t get done because it started to rain), and then I had to shower and then I felt I deserved a break, so I watched an episode of a television show—a long episode.  Then I had to feed the cat and do laundry and get some dinner, which meant watching something else, and after all of that I still wasted about thirty minutes on Pinterest.

Why is it so hard to get started on things?  It is the getting started that is the hard part.  I don’t expect this post to take much longer than ten minutes to write.  I have to have plans and organization and goals for myself, and still I don’t always listen when I say to myself that something has to get done.  For me, self-discipline is a constant argument with myself, and it is a difficult one to win, because I have learned to rationalize everything.  I convince myself that my writing is lower quality when I force myself, that after a long day of work I need some time to rest, that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if I miss a post this week (although it’s been more than a month since I posted anything).  And just as often, I don’t even bother to have the debate, but simply settle down to what is easy.

The lure of instant gratification is a powerful one.  Logically I know that if I work hard, get my work done, put myself out there, I have a far better chance to be a success—but for tonight, for now, I am tired, and it is so comfortable here in the chair and I don’t want to get up—sound familiar?

I don’t have any magic fix for this, I’m afraid.  As I said above, I spent this very day procrastinating and lazing around.  The only thing that I’ve found to be effective is time, and constant reminders of what needs to get done.  For me, there is a reminder hanging on the wall by my desk of today’s task, be it writing or editing or blogging.  It is clearly visible whenever I look up at the clock or turn to the window, and it always gives me a little pang of guilt if I’m goofing off.  Eventually, I get the work done, just to be able to move it off the wall. 

Sounds silly, but it works, because it means I have set expectations for myself, and if I can’t meet those, I am only letting myself down.  And if I can’t meet my own standards, how can I expect to measure up to anyone else’s?