No Need to Panic, Folks, It's Just a Squirrel

According to the Washington Post, this week is Squirrel Week.  The columnist with the Post talks about “the mysteries of a furry woodland critter that, in some people, elicits as much fear and revulsion as a fanged creature from the deep.”  I believe this to be an exaggeration, of course, probably a humorous reference to Shark Week.  But it bothers me, somehow, that someone should make such an assumption.

I have quite a bit of experience with squirrels.  There are dozens of them on campus.  Most of them are about six times healthy squirrel weight, and I’ve never known any of them to be very dangerous.  Much more frightening are the feral cats that occasionally run by with a fat squirrel in their mouths. 

The first animal I ever ran over with my car was a squirrel.  I was distraught by the event, and my friend who was with me finally grew tired of my hysterics and made up a story about “the Squirrel Avenger.”  He would have a tiny machine gun, she said, as well as a bandana and a tattoo with his mother’s name, and he would be coming to get me in revenge for his bushy-tailed friend.  At this flight of fancy, I stopped my crying and laughed at the ridiculousness of it all.

My point is, squirrels seem to be one of the least dangerous species out in the world.  Yes, perhaps you might get rabies if bitten by one, but what is the likelihood of that?  There aren’t many popular portrayals of deadly squirrels, either.  The squirrel character in Prince Caspian is a scatterbrained chatterbox, and even such a classic as It’s a Wonderful Life shows a random squirrel climbing up onto Uncle Billy’s arm in his moment of deepest trouble.  They are symbols of cuteness, forgetfulness, and general woodland life, but not darkness or terror.  

So it seems to make sense that no one should be afraid of squirrels as the columnist suggests, but are they?  Like most of my generation, when in doubt, I turn to Google.  A search turned up a Facebook page entitled “Im afraid of squirrels” (yes, I did cringe at the grammar, but I’m almost finished and mustn’t lose focus now).  A whopping nine people were members.  This, to me, is the best possible evidence that squirrels are not, in fact, dangerous, despite what Mr. Kelly at the Washington Post claims.  I’m sure most of you are quite relieved.

*Disclaimer: I mean no offense to Mr. Kelly—in fact, I want to thank him for the inspiration.  You can find his column here: Squirrel Week