Hello My Name Is

Being a server, I frequently see articles and posts online about the problems and irritations that servers encounter.  We’re human, and so we find things to complain about—commiseration is an international sport.  Recently, however, I came across a post that expressed the opposite side.  Now, I try to think of myself as a fair person.  I read through the post, and most of the points it brought up, I could agree with.  I personally try not to point people towards a certain menu item just because it’s the most expensive, nor am I pushy about selling people more than they want.  I don’t think I am, anyway.  And there are some things on the list I’ve been guilty of—stealing someone’s plate before they’re finished is one of them.  My bad.

But the very first point struck me as strange.  The writer listed the giving of the server’s name as a point of irritation.  In his words:

            Does anything induce more eye rolls at the table than this sort of chipper opening gambit?We’re going to be in each other's company for at most a few hours, and preferably about 30 minutes if the meal goes according to plan. This sort of feigned intimacy is just annoying, and always feels a little like a ploy to actually say, “Remember that I am a human being with a name and a family…so don’t stiff me on the tip, you dick!”

Huh.  I always thought it was polite to introduce oneself when you met someone.  Pushing past the pique, however, I have to admit that he brings up an interesting topic.  What is the relationship between a customer and a server?  Are we friends, or temporary master and servant?  What is the proper etiquette?  It’s an interesting interpersonal relationship that hasn’t really been explored, or at least I’ve never seen anyone take a good look at it.  And yet almost every day you’ll come across someone else in this role: a cashier, a server, a salesperson.  How should you treat them?

It seems everyone has a different idea, and I try to follow my customer’s lead.  Sometimes the table is chatty and interested in me—“Eileen, that’s a pretty name!  Did you know there’s an old song with your name in it?”  (The answer is yes.  Yes, I did know.)  Other tables simply smile, place their orders, and then go back to their conversations, and that’s fine.  I’m like that when I go to restaurants—I just don’t really enjoy talking to strangers.  It’s not personal. 

But when I’m working, I do take it personally when a customer cuts me off before I can give them my name.  Money has nothing to do with it in that moment.  The customers who don’t wait for my name are the ones who shout “excuse me!” or even “hey!”, usually when I’m busy with another table.  Or worse, snap their fingers at me.  They have relegated me to automaton status, and it’s rude, even hurtful.  The fact is I am a human being, and I like to be treated as one.

Even if I weren’t working for tips, I would give my name to you.  It doesn’t mean I want to be your best friend.  I understand that I will probably never know your name, and I might never see you again.  I will spend maybe ten minutes of your hour-long meal in your company.  But for that entire hour, I will be fetching things for you, checking to make sure your food is the way you wanted it, arguing with the bartender for you, and keeping an eye out so your drink doesn’t run dry.  In that hour, I am working for you, and I take pride in my work.  If that doesn’t deserve twenty percent, it certainly deserves some consideration.

Photo from http://paleoperiodical.com/2011/09/22/how-not-to-conduct-yourself-at-a-restaurant/