The
other day, I was having something of an argument with a guy at work. I don’t
remember how we got onto the topic, but at one point he looked at me with
profound suspicion, asking, “Are you a feminist?” When I told him yes, he threw back his head
and made a very loud noise of exasperation.
I’m
getting used to this reaction. Feminism
has a very bad name, among men and women alike.
This distresses me, because it shows me just how far we still have to
go. But I’m proud to be a feminist, and
that’s not just the strength of my education at a women’s college talking. Feminism is vitally necessary in this world.
Now,
I don’t intend this post—or any other, for that matter—to be an attack against
the men in my life. I got the impression
that that was my coworker’s real objection to the feminist viewpoint; he told
me more than once that “not all men are like that.” I know that very well, and if I ever come
across as accusing, I apologize. But the
fact is, not all men have to be like that for one of them to kill me in an
alley someday.
Yikes—that
escalated quickly, didn’t it? But that’s
the reason that feminism is so important.
Violence against women is all too acceptable, and that’s what it comes
down to. The sexist comments, the
disrespect—that’s all bad, too. But it’s
part of a system that enables more dangerous cruelty.
I
read a line this morning that stopped me in my tracks. “They’re girls,” said one of the characters
in the novel to another. “They were born
in danger, and they will live their lives in that condition, regardless of
circumstance.” (An Echo in the Bone, Gabaldon, p.228) Now, this conversation
was set in the late 1700s, but it chilled me that it still has the ring of
truth to it, almost two and a half centuries later. Every woman in this world grows up aware of
the danger around her. A girl learns,
even if she is never consciously taught, that she has to keep her head down,
that she shouldn’t make men angry, that she should be careful what she says and
does. She learns to restrict her wardrobe
for her own safety. She learns not to
make eye contact with men on the street, and to avoid groups of them that she
doesn’t know. I’ve been in that position. A few moments of unwanted conversation with a
strange man has the power to terrify.
Of
course, in the book, the other character—who is a man—responds by pointing out
that the world is dangerous for men, too.
And that is true. It’s also true—you have
to admit that it is true—that women are in more danger from other people than
men are. But yes, we are all at risk out
there.
The
quest of mankind, as a whole, is to work towards a greater peace. We must, as a species, learn to be kind
rather than cruel, to be understanding rather than close-minded, to be curious
rather than insular. We must learn to
not only accept our diversity, but rather embrace it. And I firmly believe that we are working
towards that end, little by little, and someday we will reach it. We’re a seething, chaotic mass, and there
will always be some of us reaching back for the days of casual violence, but I
have hope—no, I have certainty—that those
of us who look upward and onward will win the day. On that day, no one—man or woman—will walk
out of their home with even a thought that they might come to harm at the hands
of another human. On that day, we will
have no enemies.
But
it will take time. We’re moving in baby
steps, not always in the right direction, stumbling, sometimes falling. All we can do is take what tools we have at
our disposal and make what small difference we can.
Feminism
is one of those tools. It is something
that can chip away at the massive obstacles and help us get closer to the
larger goal. If I can over time show a
few men—or women, even—how important feminism is, then I have made a tiny bit
of progress, and that is worth something.
I
define feminism as the acknowledgment of the need for greater respect between
the sexes. It is the awareness that we
are all human, and that we as humans can be better than what we are. It is the acceptance that there is a fight
going on out there, a fight that happens in the mind and in the soul, the most
important fight we’ve ever gone into. It
is for that fight that I arm myself, every day, with kindness, patience, and
determination. It is the fight for our
brighter future, and if we’re going to win, we need everyone to be on the same side,
men and women alike.
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